Exclusion is a cold vapor.

She said that I was the brightest little firefly in her jar...

I am naturally exclusive.
I want to be one of the small, select groups to listen to an obscure band. I get annoyed when more and more people start to listen to my band. Lyrics lose their meaning when vast hordes of people claim them as their own. What was once so special and personal becomes trite.
I want to be the only one with a particular shirt or accessory. I want to have a unique style that is all my own. A look that says, why yes I am intelligent and mature. Middle school and the early years of High school was when I wanted to fit in appearance-wise. Now I just want to be different and not wear what the happy people on TV are wearing.
In some friendships, I want to be the only one who feels a special closeness to a certain person. I want her or him to depend on me to understand them. I want that person's soul all for myself.
Religious groups think they are the chosen minority who know The Truth and what life is all about. It's a mindset that breeds self righteousness.

I feel like I am surrounded by idiots, with a few exceptions.
Just be real and pursue the things that matter.
I get so insecure in certain circumstances. It's so stupid.

I am working on two paintings simultaneously. It is getting really hard. At first I was fueled by this enthusiasm. The excitement of having an idea and a vision. Now, the progress has slowed and there are so many slow, tedious things to attend to. It can get very frustrating. I think the paintings are worth it though and I'm going to keep going and do my best on them. It's going to look awesome.

I refuse to let doubts creep in. I do something and try to be honest but then some little thing happens or doesn't happen and I start to doubt my motives. I start to pick at and worry about what I've said. But I can't do that. If I was trying to be honest and if my intentions were true then there's really no point to worrying. This is me.

My mom is practicing English almost every night. She has a newfound fervor for learning it and she ordered a new CD program for it. She is getting discouraged right now. I listen to her practicing these sentences out loud, and her voice contains desperation and a tone of frustration. It mirrors and influences my own feelings when I'm painting or reading a difficult book.
Have you ever been abroad?
I have never traveled abroad.
No, I've never been abroad.

William Zinsser

Writing well means believing in your writing and believing in yourself, taking risks, daring to be different, pushing yourself to excel. You will write only as well as you make yourself write.
(p. 293)
...people are too vulnerable about what they have written. But I guessed that they wouldn't be self-conscious about what they were merely thinking. Thoughts haven't been committed to sacred paper; they can always be changed or rearranged or disowned.
(p. 257)

At another time she asked, 'What is a soul?' 'No one knows,' I replied; 'but we know it is not the body, and it is that part of us which thinks and loves and hopes.'...[and] is invisible...'But if I write what my soul thinks,' she said, 'then it will be visible, and the words will be its body.'

-Conversation between Anne Sullivan and Helen Keller